Facetious
by WookieCookie
Summary: It's supposed to be a special moment between them but Dante refuses to be a little bit romantic and Piers keeps making witty remarks.


**Warnings: Slash, OOC (?), odd pairing, still-alive!Piers (Obviously), established relationship and many many more.**

**_Inspired by Cookie's words to Wookie._  
**

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"You know? This is as far as I can go." Piers inhaled the fresh air. His body ragged as he put his hands on his knees, eyes set forward, down to the murky view of the old city. His chest thumped with obvious confusion and a little trace of excitement but he wouldn't tell Dante that. Still, knowing his lover, Dante would presumably already know judging from the twinkle hidden beneath in his eyes.

Even until now, the sniper user hadn't had a clue why his lover even bothered to bring him out here at the farthest side of the town. If he sought a quiet place, Dante could easily use the Panic Room he built in the basement (which was used as a vault to keep his porn magazine collections for the moment).

"Your ass is just too heavy even for you." Dante remarked quickly. He stood near the edge of the hill, hand on his forehead while he scanned the whole green zone. Nature - it was a dying phenomenon, courtesy of human's ignorance to the dying earth, but surprisingly, still lingered around the perimeter, which meant really this could go well, at least for Dante.

"Well thank-..._hey_! What's that supposed to mean?" Piers piped out, biting his inner cheeks. His glare firmly focused on Dante.

Dante ignored the human. Eyes still searching around for any signs of living and/or dead souls, making sure the selected area was vacant from other creatures except for the two of them, and when he was sure it was completely sealed from possible disturbances, said half-breed demon cleared his throat.

_Now, shit needs to get real._

Dante turned to his lover who was attired in a simple green-striped military shirt, black trousers, common brown combat boots, and a high and tight military haircut. Dante relented as he couldn't help but drown himself in the precious view that solely of his human lover.

_Ahh_, strong-willed and kind-hearted Piers Nivans. One of BSAA's most loyal members who almost experienced death just to protect his captain, to protect the world from Neo-Umbrella's BOWs and yet here he was, a mate belonged to Dante Sparda and only to Dante Sparda.

Piers drew his brows together when Dante put his right hand inside the pocket of his red leather jacket, producing a small scarlet box.

Piers Nivans had never been so horrified in his life before – not even when his arm was severely mutated and in need for an out-of-this-realm cure to regain his human form again and stabilize his condition (with Dante's help and Redfield's coercion).

"Oh god...don't tell me-"

Dante blinked, noticing the tone his lover used. "You've already guessed what am I about to do, to ask?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what's with the Rapunzel's face? Gonna say _no_ to me?"

"Not that! It's the box."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It looks cheap! I just can't imagine how the ring will look now."

"You know Lady extorts every nickel from me right?"

Piers rolled his eyes. Fair enough. "Fine, just get on your knees and propose to me."

This time, it was Dante's turn to mirror Piers' previous expression.

"I'm not getting on my knees. That's degrading my flamboyant style!"

"You're the one who's being sappy and predictable. I mean, seriously? Nature, beautiful sight, away from the rotten city and snob societies? God bless them - but I've always thought you'd do something...exposed and dirty."

"Uh-huh, that can be later. Anything else?"

"Yeah. I won a bet against Leon and Jake."

"Then congratulation-sex tonight. I need to propose now."

"Sure thing, Deanie."

"Don't call me-..." The demon hunter cleared his throat, strutting closer to a smirking Piers. Jerk. Dante didn't hesitate. He tucked his left arm around the soldier's waist, stepping on Piers' foot purposely just to elicit an adorable frown from the shorter man. The box still held securely in his free hand.

He stayed true to his words. Dante didn't get down on his knees. He was satisfied enough by tracing the line of Piers' neck down to his collarbone, smiling faintly at the scars left by wars Piers had managed to survive with his sniping skills and resolve alone.

"Piers Nivans, will you marry me, the fetching, penniless, graceful and remarkably-"

"Get to the part where you'll praise me-"

"There's none."

"Screw you."

"Anyway, as I was saying, will you marry me?"

_Silence._

"Well, Sparda. Duh."

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**X_X**

**Written by Wookie**

**Special**** help from Cookie**


End file.
